Questioning My Priorities:(

I suppose life wouldn't be exciting without a little contrast here and there. Learning to balance my goals along side of raising four children has become quite challenging lately. I am actually wondering if it's time to set aside some of my activities and develop more of a focus on my children. Obviously they are my first priority, but I do look forward to my personal time which I enjoy spending on my fitness career. It just seems like the more I excel in my accomplishments, the more my boys are slacking off in their studies at school. As a parent, this hits me like a gut punch. I take it very personally since much of their grade has been based on missing homework assignments.

My worries began a few weeks ago when my son's teacher called me in for an unexpected conference. She explained he has the potential to be such a great student, but he needs work focusing on his organization skills. My husband and I both came together as a team and have worked feverishly these past few weeks to get him back on track. Now that all is calm, I get an email from my other son's teacher asking me to join her for a conference today! I can only imagine we are in for a replay!

Next year I will have 3 children in 3 different schools as my daughter attends preschool, my middle son remains in elementary, and my oldest ventures off into middle school.  I panic even thinking of how my time management will have to be redistributed. The stress of it all falls back into my lap. As a mother do I need to set aside more time working with them side by side? I am only working part time, but it makes me feel so guilty.

Oh the woes of parenthood! Just think, they are not all in school yet! I still have a baby in diapers and the high school years are not even in sight yet. Don't get me wrong, I will always be proud of all my kids. I think we could all use this summer break to develop a structured schedule that will enable us to achieve our goals as a family.

Combustion!!

Yesterday seems a little surreal when I ponder back through the timeline of events. What seemed like a pleasant day surprisingly went completely off course without warning. The morning began with a quick shop at the grocery store where I sprinted through the store hoping to avoid contact with any candy or toys. Successfully we made it home in time to put everything away, get lunch, and some outdoor play in the garden. This is where the events of my day take a drastic turn.

I realize it is time to pick up my older boys from school due to half day Wednesdays issued by the school. The baby is super tired, but has no choice but to come along for the ride. I'm casually wearing flip flops, a swimsuit, and transparent coverup. All of a sudden I get a phone call from my eldest son's teacher asking me to park up and come inside for a short parent teacher conference. My eyes widen at the thought of meeting up with her in my muu-muu plus a carload of fussy tots. I reluctantly agree and race to get into the school. Out of now where, the baby vomits everywhere. Not once, not twice, but four times! I'm now sweaty and covered in curdled milk!

We eventually make it through the 5th grade classroom door where I am greeted by the teacher who looks even more shocked to see I have 4 children. She immediately tells me what a talented young man I have in a son, but he seems a bit lost sometimes and has trouble organizing his work. I try to stay focused as my daughter is holding herself whispering in my ear,"I gotta go wee wee!" The baby is squirming all over at this point whining. It is moments like this when you pray for the Earth to open up and swallow you! As the teacher continues, I can't help but think she must be observing my circumstances and comparing me with my son!

Eventually it all comes to an end and we leave with a better understanding of each other. Although my son felt embarrassed he knows no matter what I will always be by his side. I may juggle 4 children and a fitness career, but it's moments like these that make me who I am!

Birthdays vs. Death

Somber title for today, but that's how I'm feeling. Caught in the middle of these two words and not sure how my emotions are supposed to be right now. My precious daughter will be 4 years old tomorrow, but my beloved little cat who has been my friend long before I met my spouse died on Friday. Now I know what your thinking. Getting this upset over a cat is insane, but my true sadness comes through realizing how quickly life comes and goes.

I suppose I never properly grieved the loss of my father when he died a couple years ago from cancer. Just like when my grandmother died, I tend to focus on something else to quickly brush over the pain. I never sat and cried. I never thought over memories. We never even had a traditional memorial service. It was like one day he was here and the next he was gone.

This time with the cat, it couldn't have happened at a worse time. My daughter's birthday party was scheduled for the following day. We had plans for a bounce house and a dozen children playing in our backyard. Meanwhile hubby dug a grave in the corner of our yard as my older boys watched in disbelief. My one son even asked,"What happens if we move? Do we have to dig Lexi back up and take her with us?"

The birthday princess could not have been any happier with her magical party! All of her favorite friends came to celebrate her birth. It helped me to not focus so much on the loss, but to think about celebrating each precious day we are given to live. Life is about experience, sharing, growing, and learning. Although losing a loved one can make our life journey difficult, it is there to make us stronger.

Been awhile...

It's been awhile since my last blog and I will let you know why. I let others mindless talk break me down into an insecure school girl. All the preaching I do to my kids about not allowing others to destroy your dreams, well I fell into the pothole and sank. Normally I don't allow myself to fall for others judgements, but since these individuals were my friends since childhood, it made it a very hurtful experience. Not to dwell too much on the negative, I simply had to step away from myself and re-evaluate who I am and what I stand for.

At first I took this time seriously, pondering over the nasty gossip. I wondered what I had done to upset these ladies. Then I made a connection with others who seemed to be dealing with similar issues. One of my talented fitness friends shared with me how she was judged for posting yoga poses on her Facebook page. Another friend described to me how catty others can be, especially when you are feeling happy & successful. I stepped away with a deeper understanding of my situation. I saw things clearly at that moment.

People can look at a house and see it in mint condition. They don't stop to think about the hard work it takes to upkeep and all the labor that went behind constructing that home. To some, that house is pretty darn fabulous. To others, that home is not their style or ideal location. Yes, the house appears to be well maintained, but does anyone care to really know what goes on inside? It is easy to cast stones at the windows and try to break it down, but the love inside that house will keep it strong. That simple house can weather any storm because it has a great family who relies on it for generations to come.

Just another bump in that road we call life. My feelings were hurt, but it has taught me a valuable lesson. Not everyone will be pleased with me all the time, but as long as I can be proud of my own accomplishments at the end of the day, then success is mine.

Dragging Lately

I'd love to write that my life is at an all time emotional high, but that wouldn't be accurate. Truth be told, I'm feeling a little bummed out. Physically I'm shattered from my recent bout of extreme exercise, the kids attitudes are wearing me down, and some of my friendships have me rethinking my own actions and others interpretations. So like the millions of you out there, I'm stressed out.

The kids lead the way in raising my blood pressure to an all time high. My tween boys are ever so sassy and have me shifting my already tight schedule to accommodate a karate tournament this weekend. Although I see an increase in their grades lately, I received a note home from the teacher today that my son's focus seems to be on girls. How do I even confront this topic being that I was once in his shoes at that same age? Anyhow, we are dealing with it the best way our family sees fit. Lucky for him, I have inherited my dad's low key approach to many situations.

Yes, even at my age I am still dealing with friend issues. Lately I've been feeling like I'm repeating 9th grade over again. The emotions are similar and my feelings still get hurt the same, but as a woman I can actually learn from it all. Instead of running to others for advice, I can actually hear the dilemma, think about a solution, and make a plan on how to move on. Thankfully the issues have no right or wrong answer, but I know in order to be a better friend I need to listen and understand another prospective.

I hope I get my energetic personality back soon. A busy over scheduled weekend still lays ahead. Like the weather outside which is currently raining with intense strikes of lightening, tomorrow will bring about a whole new day filled with sunshine!

Purely Inspired!

Today I spent my day enjoying the company of some of Orlando's most talented fitness instructors at the Les Mills Quarterly Workshop. Basically it was a menu of featured fitness classes and some helpful workshops allowing us to better our techniques. The main stage was filled with close to 800 men and women who jammed the day away to popular choreographed routines with the courtesy of a DJ, lighting operators, and accommodating hotel staff.

As I arrived, I was a little intimidated and unsure of what to expect since this was my first year attending this yearly event. Quickly I saw hundreds of other instructors and hoped I would fit in. The first thing I noticed was how friendly everybody was. It felt great running into old acquaintances and catching up on their new accomplishments. I realized what a talented group of people they all are. Every single person had a story behind their fitness. Some arrived at this career after battling weight loss, others found comfort after losing a loved one, and one friend, who I found to be such an inspiration even overcame a cancer diagnosis. Just to know these people humbles me completely.

One important lesson I walked away with and I wish for so many other women to understand this the way I now do, is that fitness comes in a variety of shapes, colors, sizes, and backgrounds. There is no cookie cutter image of a fitness instructor. The goal is not 'thin', the goal is 'universal health'. We do not aspire to create a nation of size 0's. We all have a similar goal in learning to encourage, motivate, and connect with our members. From this day forward I am truly moved to take what I have learned both, technical & emotional, and put that into my everyday life. I am rejuvenated and purely inspired by all!

OMG!!! Get me out of here!

Today was a crazy day in case the title didn't imply that already! I am so looking forward to escaping tomorrow. To think, I actually pondered the thought not attending the Les Mills Quarterly Workshop which consists of 11 hours of extreme aerobics. After today, that is going to seem like a day of meditation. That's primarily the focus of my fitness schedule, to relieve stress.

Back to today, though. My day started off completely unscheduled. I awoke and leisurely sipped my energy drink, hovering over the late night events I missed on Facebook. Eventually I hopped onto the elliptical machine intently following the dramatic saga of Charlie Sheen featured on the Today Show. At that exact moment, my day fell apart! My sons ran in reminding me that today was the last day to sign up for the Tai Kwan Do Tournament. Not only did I need to drive them to to a rehearsal by 9am, but I also needed to drop some pretty hefty money that I had been saving for a rainy day. After showering, brushing my teeth, and dressing almost simultaneously, hubby and I prepped all 4 kids and away we went. The start of our day had now begun! After signing up 3 kids for this tournament (yes, I got talked into adding the toddler) we sat through what seemed like hours of 'kibon's'.

Luck struck, as the boys left to hang out at a friends house for the day and hubby and I were left on a mini date chaperoned by toddlers. We enjoyed a quick lunch, followed by a walk through some local shops, where we ended up spending even more money on little trinkets for the kids and I slipped in another pair of cycling shorts!

 Soon enough we were home, the boys returned, and the noise level raised a few hundred octaves. Dinner hour is the most stressful part of my day. I wish I could run and hide, but like hungry wolves, I am their prey. So here I am, writing my blog in the remote area of my home. Looking forward to the events of tomorrow. No longer will I feel guilty about taking my fitness career to a higher level, I will grow from this experience, and therefore those I teach will benefit. The kids will enjoy time with daddy and mommy will return to them rejuvenated again!

Relaxation: Not in my vocabulary!

As we set off into the upcoming weekend ahead, I begin to fantasize about driving to the beach, sitting poolside drinking adult concoctions, and reclining to read a book under the sun. Soon enough I am brought to reality by screaming toddlers, tween boys hassling me to get off the computer, and even the dog is begging me to feed him some grub. Not in this lifetime will my day ever look like this imaginary fantasy. My weekend of relaxation is actually harder work because the older boys are now home and expect me to chauffeur them to karate, out with their friends, or to take them on a bike ride.

My day usually begins around 5am when hubby & I awake heading off to our computers. Him, holding a cup of tea and me, sipping my morning energy drink. After reading the morning headlines online and checking my accumulated emails, I get dressed to pursue a workout. Since I want to enjoy my weekend, I allow myself to do a half an hour run before getting down to the business of memorizing choreography. After perspiring off 5 pounds of sweat, I am ready to start my day!

We enjoy doing things as a family and in this day in age, that seems unheard of. I can probably count on one hand the parties or gatherings I have attended without my husband or children. So many of my friends have girls night out, but I've never been one to have the need for that type of socialization. So on the weekends after karate, parties, or anything else we enjoy family time. What exactly does that consist of? Hiking in the state park, a day of shopping at the outlets, or a day of roller skating. Just anything that makes us value our special time together.

As fast is it arrived, our weekend comes to an end. The kids study on Sunday night preparing for the following day, as I pack their lunches and lay out their clothes. I've always been one to be prepared a day ahead. A trait passed down to me by my father. So with all that said, we may entertain about 2-3 our of tv time the entire weekend. The rest of it I am proud to say is busy making lasting memories I hope my children value into their adult lives.

Our New Life of Photography

My talented husband has begun a side career in photography. He dove in at the deep end of thrilling, fashion photography. A world of gorgeous size 0 models, long tanned legs, half dressed poses, the look of lust on their faces. In other words, a housewives nightmare! In his attempts to relieve the situation, he offered me a chance to experience the limelight. I can't stress enough that every person should have this done at least once in their lifetime. What a self esteem booster! It was like the adult version of playing dress up as a kid. For the couple hours the session lasted I was transformed from being a casual shorts & t-shirt wearing mom into a glamourous fashionista.

That experience was short lived and back to reality I went. Not the case for my husband who has had a busy schedule with multiple fashion shoots in the past month. I'll have to be honest, in the beginning it was rough. My jealousy levels were at an all time high which probably didn't make me the most easiest person to be around. Images of hot models haunted me constantly. I was suddenly aware that I was no longer 21 and no matter how hard I worked out at the gym was I ever going to be  5'11. That's when I held an inner pep talk with myself. I had to regain my focus on what I like about me. I realized there is plenty to be proud of. I'm a mom of 4 beautiful children, a great wife, and I'm a pretty talented athlete, too.

Yesterday I was pleased, to say the least that hubby has finally taken on a male model photo shoot. He came home sorting through 200 images of this insanely ripped guy and for the first time I eagerly helped in viewing which proofs would work the best. What a welcomed change that was from seeing his portfolio filled with an all female clientele. Tomorrow brings a whole new day, though. Another shoot with yet another hot, blond bombshell!

I must say, I am so proud of how far he has come with this skill. I will continue to be a supportive wife and offer him my amateur opinions. I suppose his love of photography could be compared to my devotion of fitness. It helps keep me balanced and focused so that I may be a better mother & wife. Our new life of photography is just beginning, but I can see it as another branch of discovery onto our tree of life.

My 1st Blog!!!

Wow, is this really happening? I have finally connected with a computer well enough to figure out how to blog! You would think with my history of Facebook and the fact that I met my husband 12 years ago on Yahoo Chat I could have mastered this years ago. Even so, this is as better time as any, and being a mother of 4 children probably the best chance I have to get started.

So I will begin this blog with a brief history of me and review some of the goals I have for writing a daily diary. I suppose my biggest challenge is to maintain a well rounded schedule which balances my family life with my fitness career. Everything else is a novelty which I will gladly take to fulfill the puzzle pieces. Currently I am content with teaching spin classes and Body Flow (yoga, pilates, tai chi), but always question what's next on the agenda. Do I take on more classes, fork off into the world of personal training, or remain as I am until my children are a little bit older?

Motherhood is a continuing process of self discovery. Just when you think you have your goals figured out, your children grow up a little bit more and their activities change forcing you to adapt as well. A decade ago I was frustrated, overweight, and  actually went through postpartum depression. It wasn't until my kids went to school and I began to socially interact with other moms that I found my way out. I saw how many other moms took great care of themselves, but still made time to focus on their family. This inspired me to recreate myself. I began to figure out who it is I was meant to be. Ten years later, a lot of transition has been made. Seventy pounds lighter, I feel youthful, active, and sometimes unstoppable. I know I still have so much more to experience, but it is motherhood that has helped me develop as a woman.

Yikes, I almost left out the biggest part of my life, my marriage. This year we will be celebrating 12 years of bliss. No, not everyday is paradise, but we are pretty close to it! Of course we have had hurdles along the way, but I think we have great communication skills and that is the key to any great marriage.  At one time we did endure counseling, but let me tell you, that was the best money we ever spent. We both went dragging our feet, but left the office laughing, refreshed, and focused towards our future. I really feel if you have a strong partnership it makes such a difference on how you live your life. I wake up excited and full of energy. I go to bed talking to my best friend about the highlights of our day.

Well, it's official, I have now written my 1st blog! Now that I have killed off about a half an hour, I better get back to fitness, motherhood, and other fun discoveries! With the roller coaster of emotions it takes to uphold a family of 6, you can rest assure I will have plenty of adventures to blog about.